Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Essay 2 Rough Draft
After Reading my first draft, I realized that it is a little bit too much on the sexist side, while there are some valid points, Much of it was for shock value, like how Raya said she was "a little pissed at first" ... that was intended ... but the point i was trying to make obviously wasnt conveyed like I wanted it to be, so I will give it another shot
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4 comments:
Solid essay, this topic is one of the better ones. I would suggest using more transitions when switching topics and paragraphs, and look for spelling and gramatical errors.
Jordan, I have a basketball game to attend to, hopefully bringing home another victory. In the mean time in between time prepare yourself for the brutal peer revision I'm about to give you. Like nothing you've seen before sweetheart.
Love You,
Fraternally!
very strong essay. intro grabbed me, honestly i was getting pissed at first but all good now. there are some grammatical and spelling errors so look for those. your conclusion was good, but maybe should go into more detail on your larger implication. overall awesome however
Even though I didn't get to read the essay, I like the idea of controversy and walking the line, it is intriguing to readers in my opinion. Don't be to concerned with conforming to the emotions of other potential readers, unless its just insanely sexist lol. Uniqueness is good, and in some circumstances controversy is better. good luck on the paper man.
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